I met a friend over for coffee yesterday…its been ages since I had met her and I was really looking forward to it.
One thing that always strikes me about her is her vibrancy. This is a woman who has been through hell.
Her husband and son died in an accident 5 years ago and she was forced to sell her beloved family home and move into a tiny apartment.
But despite all this…you will never find a tinge of regret or self-pity in her voice. She all about living in the moment and taking actions.
She is one of the most inspirational women I know and she is someone who can teach everyone a lesson on how to live their life.
She once recommended this book to me by Eckhart Tolle called “The Power OF Now”.
She told me that there is no other work that has inspired her as much as that book.
Once I read it I understood why.
The book is a gold mine of knowledge.. and it teaches us one simple thing.
Live in the moment….there is no point thinking about the past or the future.
One of the biggest reasons why divorced women tend to falter with their life goals is that they tend to wallow in the past.
When you keep living and reliving your life and past failures again and again…how can you possibly allow yourself to move on?
The main reason why you keep wallowing in the past is because you are willing to let go of it.
Its as simple as that…and it is completely understandable.
Especially in a hard divorce where there was once great love between the partners.
Its understandable why you might think that things will never ever get better.
And as you keep living in the past…something strange happens.
You develop a strange form of comfort zone… so it feels far more comfortable and “at home” to keep reliving the past instead of living in the present.
Strange isn’t it? The mind is a fickle mistress.
So even though you are not really achieving anything.. you are still happy to continue living in it.
So while it may be understandable to a certain extent as to why you would choose to do that… here is a newsflash for you.
Good times and bad times both go away eventually.
And this is not me giving you a pep talk.
All that you can do is to prepare yourself for them.
So what can you do to stop wallowing in the past?
- Stop Isolating yourself: Yes, I know that you would want to stop meeting up with other people and stew alone in your own misery. But guess what? That never ever helps anyone. Isolation leads to idleness and an idle mind, as they say, is the devil’s playground. So open up your mind and meet new people. Its worth it..trust me.
- Get In Touch With Reality: Most women wallow in the past because they are still in deniability. This can be very very dangerous. Don’t run away from reality, accept that things have changes and you have to move on.
- Train Your Mind: I have explained the concept of anchors in the past few articles. How we have certain things and triggers which reminds us of the past. Eg. A song which reminds you of your ex husband. This is where my training program comes in. Via using the power of NLP you will retrain your brain.
- Realize That Most Of Your Fears Are Baseless: One great reason as to why we continue to live in the past is because we are scared of what the future will bring. This is especially true in divorces as we feel that all our future plans are completely wrecked. But here is the thing… most of the greatest empires ever have raised from the ashes of past kingdoms. Meaning, your life doesn’t end here. Its not an end but the beginning of something more beautiful.
And that’s quite enough for day.
If you face this problem then read and re read this article.
Identify your situation and let’s work on it!!
See you soon