Why we stay in an abusive relationship and why do we tend to get into one.

I remember way back in the day when I was still in school…there was this couple who wERE the talk of the town.

The guy was the typical bad boy…you know the kind who watched one too many James Dean and Marlon Brando movies?

With his hair all slicked back and all that, TIGHT leather pants (it was uncomfortable to look at) and the whole shabang.

And the girl…the girl was the sweetest thing alive. Like think of a proper girl-next-door and that’s her.

Wait…this sounds familiar:

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Hahahaha no wonder…but trust me..the real thing is a lot less sweet and a lot more horrifying.

Anyway so this is how the tale goes.

The girl, Jenny, was the sweetest thing alive, I mean she was beautiful and had the most radiant smile that I can remember.

She thought she found the man of her dreams and you can’t blame her!

He , Robbie, was roguishly good looking and had that bad boy aura that girls go all silly putty over.

But that’s where the positives end… because underneath all that macho exterior, Robbie was a broken shell of a human being.

He didn’t have a very healthy childhood and more often than not he used to take out his negativity on Jenny.

Whether it be hitting her, making her cry or forcing her to have sex with him….it always used to come out one way or another.

There was actually a point of time that we were so used to seeing Jenny with a black eye that it became a regular occurrence.

Of course she used to tell her parents that it was an accident during a basketball game but we all knew where that came from.

But this isn’t where the tragedy ended.

The sad part wasn’t him treating her like this, the sad part was that she completely refused to leave him.

There was one incident I remember very clearly.

She was talking to this friend of hers when out of nowhere Robbie jumps in… he was obviously intoxicated; you could easily tell by looking at his eyes.

He pushed her friend aside, grabbed her hair and dragged her away.

Her cries for mercy were heart wrenching.

Later that day a couple of Jenny’s friends took her aside and talked to her…they tried their best to convince her to leave him..

But no…she always used to reply with that same old thing..and we were all sick of hearing it:

“He does this because he loves me.”

Back in the day it was hard for me to sympathize with her, I was young I didn’t know better..I thought she was crazy…after all who in their right mind would put themselves through something like this?

But now as I have grown older and accumulated my share of life experiences, I have started understanding where this type of behavior stems from.

This self-destructive behavior comes from the overwhelming maternal nature of most women.

Come on… chances are that you have read a Mills & Boons novel…its alright…we all have.

What is the standard formula of most of those novels?

  1. Young precocious woman meets sexy man with a wild streak.
  2. The woman tames said wild man.
  3. The woman and man live happily ever after.

That is why most women remain in abusive relationships despite there been absolutely no need for her to do so… she wants to help him become better.

And in the process she gives away her power and her happiness.

When these relationships eventually end…and trust me it will end one day.. she is left all empty..a shell of a person she once used to be.

And all this could have been avoided if she just said “NO”… instead of being silent.

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I will cover this topic later but for now let me give you a lesson..

I want you to know this and this is probably the most important lesson that I can give you ever.

You Deserve To Be Happy.

Now here is the problem that happens to most women who have been in abusive relationships.

They usually keep on being in abusive relationships.

Its really really depressing but alas..the human mind is a complicated puzzle.

I can’t prepare you to be happy and look for a healthy relationship when your mind is wired that way.

Which is why…as I promised you earlier…you need to learn the power of a simple “NO”.

Until then.

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